Monday, May 3, 2010

Please Mum, try to understand

Mum left this morning. For four days we got on like a house on fire, or almost, as she tidied and organised my flat and made lists for this or that. On Friday we saw Boy which I found quite moving; it certainly lived up to its very positive reviews. On Saturday we ate at Manna, the local Thai restaurant. My curry was predictably very tasty. But yesterday afternoon everything kicked off. I was depressed and wasn't in the mood for doing anything. We went to the supermarket. Now I don't do supermarkets when I'm depressed, and certainly not in the daytime when it's busy. An exception to this was after last Saturday's tennis disaster when I needed basics like bread and milk. That time I literally ran through the supermarket aisles, grabbed my bread and milk, and got the hell out of there as fast as I could. Yesterday I told Mum I needed to get out of there, fast, and that's when all hell broke loose. She was very upset and angry with the way I acted in the supermarket. I was dumbstruck. What did I do wrong?! When we got back to my flat we had a three-hour argument, if you can call it that. I made the fatal mistake of trying to reason with her and explain my depression. "But I get depressed too, you know." No you bloody well don't. "You've got no respect for your mother!" Of course I respect you. "All I get from you is hate, hate, hate!" What?! Are you serious? I love you. Unfortunately Mum's understanding of depression is in the dark ages, and I hate to say it but after thirty years I sometimes wonder if she really understands me either. But I love her. A lot.

Last Tuesday I saw Career Services. My advisor was clearly a very clever woman. We talked about all the various options, and finding a suitable job this side of Christmas suddenly seemed possible. I'll be seeing her again on Friday.

I'll be leaving the country in under five days and I'm starting to actually think about my trip. I'm a bit worried about the Thailand bit on the way back, with all the unrest currently happening there. If I decide to hop over to any of the neighbouring countries I'll need a visa, but things might be fine in Thailand in a month's time.

Tomorrow I'll be playing the low buy-in SCOOP badugi tournament. I'm lucky that it's a 9am start on a day when I don't have to do anything, and it's happening before I go away. It's a much deeper tournament than anything I've played before and I could be playing for several hours. Or not. I'll give a report in my next post.

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