Sunday, September 19, 2010

Cutting my Lifeline

I had my Lifeline session after work on Friday. After a busy week during which I'd failed to look after myself adequately, it was the last thing I wanted to do. In the session I said I was stressed with having far too much on my plate, and was told I should make a list and drop one or two items from it. I made this list (in my head) and there was a certain irony when I realised what I needed to cross off it. Lifeline. My stress levels would drop enormously if I didn't have to think about that. Last Friday I was told to attend an extra session on Tuesday to get up to speed (I'm slower to pick up concepts than the others in my group) and that was the last straw. Saturday's session lasts all day. I'm also supposed to do various homeworks and assignments. There just aren't enough hours in the week.

Lifeline is important; people's lives are at stake. Either you do the course properly or not at all. If I carry on with it I know only be doing it half-arsed. The other problem is that you have to deal with quite strong feelings. At the moment I don't have strong feelings. It's a real shame to have to give up at this stage, particularly as the course is so well run, but for my own sanity I have little choice.

I should mention that it did feel good to be working again, but I felt snowed under with all that other stuff that I'd really only taken on under the assumption that I'd remain unemployed. I'll have at least one more week in the job.

Yesterday we had the monthly autism get-together. Unlike last month, I was able to enjoy it this time. The topic for the initial discussion was energy-saving and sustainability. Some people spoke quite passionately and at length on this subject. I had my own views, but as someone who lives by himself and drives most places, I'm not sure how valid they were. At least I've been catching the ferry to work.

Mum has been up here on her 24-hour flying visit. It's been good to see her, though it's a shame the weather has forced us to stay inside most of the time. Mum spent some time last night picking out jobs for me on Seek. They nearly all had the word "analyst" in the job title. I find it hard to look at that word any more without thinking "anal". I feigned enthusiasm for the jobs (badly) and even applied for two of them.

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