Killer joules

I’m not really part of society. Everything I do is meaningless. Those two facts (I think they’re facts) are reflected in my current mood. Neither of today’s phone calls helped.


This morning I called Julie to ask if she wanted to see a film with me. She wasn’t in a good way at all. In the last year or two she’s alienated a lot of people (admittedly some of those people did her more harm than good); today she made a good fist of alienating me too. Then Dad called me. I couldn’t hide my low mood. When the future of their other son is giving them sleepless nights the last thing they need is to worry about me.

I don’t normally buy takeaway pizzas (as much as I like them) but on Friday I ordered a “meat lovers” from Domino’s. The energy content of each pizza was displayed on a board. My meat lovers had 7000 kilojoules. That’s seven million joules isn’t it? All I remembered about joules from my physics lessons was our teacher’s bad puns about jewels, duels, Jules and maybe even Jools. But although I wouldn’t have known a joule if it punched me on the nose, I didn’t like the sound of seven million of the little buggers crawling in my pizza. How many joules were in a calorie was anyone’s guess (do they even convert?) but a quick Google before tucking into my pizza told me it contained two-thirds of my recommended daily energy intake. Feeling guilty I ate five slices and saved the remaining three for yesterday’s lunch. Last night I had had trout which my cousin’s boys had caught at Taupo. It was tasty and far more wholesome than the pizza. Talking of fishing, tonight’s news featured this bloke who stole a 13 lb bass from a Guernsey aquarium to win $800 in a fishing competition. What on earth was he thinking? He stole the fish on 9th July last year. Someone commented that he should have waited five days – for Bass Steal Day.